Top 5 Movie Cliches that need to die now
As I re-watching "Hoosiers", the other day, I was suddenly struck by how similiar it is to many other sports movies. It inspired this list. It's only a top 5 because it's midterms week people!
*Disclaimer. I am not saying these are bad movies, I am saying they fit a trend, and that Hollywood should start coming out with some more original scripts.
5) Aging Bank Robber takes on one last job
As Seen in: Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, Bandits, Heat, The Town, etc.
We've all seen this one before. We have our protagonist, an aging bank robber who has done pretty well for himself, but decides to do one last job because, hey, fuck it, thats why. He usually has a small group that goes with him. There's usually a get away driver, his best friend and right hand man who may be a bit of a loose cannon, sometimes there is a female involved, and then, more than likely a fat guy who is the first poor bastard shot by the cops. The protagonist, though he is in fact a bank robber, and though he may in fact kill several police officers is so sauve and daring, we forget about all that, you know, crime nonsense and root him to victory! There's also usually a police chief/FBI agent hot on his trail, and he will either catch him or come incredibly close. The End.
This formula needs to die, simply because it's so incredibly predictable. We all know that the last job isn't going to go according to plan! Why doesn't Hollywood try something drastic, and have the bank robber be a real douchebag, not sympathetic at all, and then he actually does get away with it all in the end? You know, show how real criminals are, not Ben Affleck moaning about some girl he wants to bang, while dreaming of moving to Florida.
Quote that can usually be heard in movie: "If we're going to do this, it's going to have to be done right!"
4) Teacher takes on tough students
As Seen in: The Class, To Sir With Love, Precious, Stand and Deliver, The Emperors Club
So, we have our teacher. He may be young or old, but he always has a unique, fresh way to deal with his precocious students, who may or may not be east Los Angeles meth heads. They hate him/her to start, then they gradually grow to respect him because for the first time in their lives, someone is taking them seriously! Sometimes one of the students has a baby, or the teacher meets a student at the police station, but they bond and decide to apply themselves to school because they want to be something, god damn it. I get it, kids in tough situations applying themselves and becoming a doctor or something. Terrific. Do I give a flying fuck after the hundreth movie to portray this? Not really. Maybe, I don't know, a jogging, or power walking fuck, but by no means a flying fuck.
nQuote usually heard in movie: "Hey, Mr.__. (pause)..Thanks."
3) Teen Sex Comedy
As Seen in: College, Eurotrip, Road Trip, the American Pie Franchise, The Porky's Franchise, etc.
It's sad that I'm denouncing this cliche, when I enjoy these films so damn much. But I digress.
We have our lovable band of losers. They are usually, our main character, very normal, handsome, and a steady influence, the fat bastard/loser nerd virgin, and the "off the wall" best friend.
They try to bang chicks. This is usually the entire movie, but sometimes other stuff happens, like, they find true love, or they ace all of their exams, or they might become rich somehow. It's just depressing that mostly all teen sex comedies follow this template, and that Hollywood has no plans to revitalize it at all. You'll reboot Spiderman after 8 years, you won't reboot the teen sex comedy after 40 years???
Quote probable to be in movie: "I really need to lose my virginity!"
2) Serial Killer kills lots of teenaged blondes
As seen in: Nightmare on Elm street franchise, Friday the 13th franchise, Halloween Franchise, etc.
Do I really need to explain this one? Killer decides to hack up some teenagers because, well shit I don't know, they look good in bikini's? The killer is usually foiled in his attempt to kill the protagonist, but then a sequel comes out and the whole process is started over again.
Know why I am disappointed in these movies? Because they've rebooted Friday the 13th, Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street, and they are still the god damned same! They didn't do anything new with them at all!! What was the point of rebooting them?!?!
Quote probable to be in film: AHHHH!!!
1) Ragtag sports teams defies the odds
As seen in: Friday Night Lights, Hoosiers, Gridiron Gang, The Mighty Ducks, The Big Green, The Ladybugs, Coach Carter, Remember the Titans, the Bad News Bears, Hardball, Any Given Sunday, The Replacements, etc.
So, we have our football/baseball/hockey/basketball team, and they suck pretty hard. They're a ragtag group, comprised of (if the movie is aimed for younger audiences) a fat kid, a kid with glasses, a plucky young brunette kid who is destined to be the leader, a ginger kid, a tough kid who is too cool for the game, and, of course, a girl, who is much better than all of the guys.
If it's aimed at an older audience, theres usually an underlying theme, like racism, or monetary differences, or something serious like that. One thing is always the same, however; a Coach with something to prove who will deliver an incredible half time locker room speech. The Coach will somehow find a way to bring this patchwork group together just in time for the big game. They will no doubt lose their first couple of games, and lose miserably, especially the first game of the season. Also, the team they lose to in the first game will be the team they will play in the Championship game. Somehow by the midpoint of the season, they will have turned it around and will have become near the top of the league. However, they will still have one important task to face; that Championship game. They will come in as sever underdogs, and through the first half of the game, they will be dominated. It won't even be close! Then, when the Coach delivers his rousing speech, the players will storm onto the field in the second half, and score an incredible amount of points. They will be down in the final seconds of the game, however, and on the last play, they will either score the deciding basket/touchdown/goal/home run, or come very close and lose.
Either way, they will be regarded as "winners", even if they lost the game. Which is bullshit, because if you lose a game, you're a loser.
Why does this cliche have to die? Because I just described a hundred god damn movies in 400 hundred words.
Quote probable to be in movie: "I don't care if we win! Right now, we're all winners!"