Veep S06E09 Recap: The Most Devastating Lines From 'A Woman First'

It's safe to say that this sixth, post-presidency season of Veep has been one of transition. Sometimes that transition has been a little rough. While the show has arguably been as funny and as brutal as ever, it's been missing some of the elements that came with the more political aspects of the show and that ensured that everything jelled together. One of those elements is Selina Meyer's uncanny ability to fail upwards, how out of every shitty situation some insane silver lining would present itself, accidentally giving her a win after a mountain of losses, and vice versa.

Selina and really everyone else on the team other than maybe Jonah hasn't really had a win this season. She's struggled to get her library build, having to make concessions in order to get it done. Her efforts overseeing the Georgian election or visiting people in need in Africa didn't really pan out, even her bid to seek a new run at the presidency was immediately squashed by the only smart people on the show.

Selina and the team were due for a win, and it finally came in "A Woman First", the season's penultimate episode. And in pure Veep style, that win came after a storm of shit that could have seen Selina even go to prison (which is kind of an intriguing tease for a seventh season, but nevertheless). The Washington Post releases an expose on her presidency using the notebook Mike accidentally left in his office at the same time as the release of her book. All the stuff we've seen them cover up for years sees the light of day, from the data breach to her clandestine relationship with her personal trainer.

As bad as some of those things are, also in Mike's notebook was a detailed account of how it was Selina that negotiated Tibet's freedom and not President Montez, which is a feat so monumental that it makes up for everything else. Selina is suddenly getting calls from Yale for her library, and Ben, Kent and Dan are talking about starting a business to capitalize on their dumb luck. Selina and the gang have been wading in shit all season, and "A Woman First" gives them a promising lifeline that's likely the start of a setup to whatever David Mandel and his writer's room have in mind for season seven.

But what's especially hilarious is how this lifeline winds up coming at the expense of one Congressman Jonah Ryan. And not by any direct relation to the Selina camp, either, instead by happenstance, or some sort of blind scales of justice at work, making sure that someone on this show is always paying for everyone else's sins. Jonah by far is at the receiving end of some of the most brutal insults, not only of the episode, but the entire season. And over the course of "A Woman First", because of his incompetent handling of the government shutdown he caused, he loses support from Tanz, support from his uncle for reelection, and his fiancée, but only after she forces him to go through with an adult circumcision. He even gets an office downgrade, which leads to some great physical humour. Seeing Jonah dig his way out of this hole with no one by his side anymore will be pretty interesting.

"A Woman First" is Veep firing on all cylinders, restoring something about the show which made it great in the first place and giving us some great one liners. For all of that, it gets 10 lesbian cooze potions out of 10.

Notes & Quotes:

  • An underrated part of this show is how it exists in a reality where all the normal media outlets exist, but with fictional people in front of the camera. We've already seen it with WaPo and CBS This Morning, but this episode gave us a glimpse of what Veep's version of >i>The Tonight Show would be. I was actually incredibly worried that Jimmy Fallon would pop up at the end of the episode. Not to suggest that it would be a potential shark-jumping moment, but it would be insincere of what Veep intents to be, even if Jimmy played along and acted like a dick. Instead, Adam Scott is basically the perfect Veep-universe version of a late night talk show host, because he's so good at being an insincere asshole, subtly sticking it to Selina for bailing on his show the previous night.
  • So glad to see Peter MacNicol's character back. And late enough in the season that he probably won't get fucked over for an Emmy nomination again.
  • You'd think Kent's basketball outfit would be my favourite thing about this episode, but then we got the reveal that he used to work for the US Postal Service and the Seattle Seahawks and cried about being fired both times."
  • Line of the Night:There were so many good lines this week that I couldn't choose and decided instead to cheat, like a lot, picking all of Furlong and Jeff Kane's lines, mostly at the expense of one Jonah Ryan.
    Quote:

    Furlong: "Who the fuck invited Dikembe Mutumbtard?"
    Furlong: "A little word of advise congressman, don't wear the shorts, even Kobe Bryant wouldn't rape you in those things."
    Furlong: "Lookie here, we got old Jesus with the camel toe and his child molester goggles and the headband of course cause you don't want the sweat getting in your eyes when you're choking them out afterwards."
    Furlong/Will: "Will, take the ball, and tell them why." "Balls are the only thing keeping me from choking on cocks. Without balls, I'd be swallowing dicks whole, just like Joey Chestnut."

    Jeff: "Wishes belong in the bottom of a well with unwanted girl children."
    Jeff: "Your father puts the 'Jew' in 'God I hate Jews'."
    Jeff: "Shut the fuck up, you epileptic Picasso painting."
    Jeff/Jonah: "Who is this tranny knuckle dragger, somebody you hired to not get erections?" "That tranny knuckle dragger is my fiancée!"
    "Ezra has more raw political talent in the tip of his rosiet pecker than you have in this mangled abortion coathanger you should be ashamed to call your body."

  • Marjorie/Selina: "Catherine's on bedrest. She's been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix." "Well, why should her cervix be any different than the rest of her?"
  • Jaffar/Selina, about Catherline: "She has a penis?" "I dunno."
  • Richard explaining the mechanics of The Tonight Show: "Which again, is tomorrow night, not tonight, despite the title. And you're doing the Today Show one week from yesterday."
  • Richard/Selina: "The producer of The Tonight Show thought it would be fun if--" "Nah, you know what, nothing's fun on that show."
  • Gary: "As Gary poured my tea, I realized the hostages blah blah blah blah."
  • Jonah: "I ruined her administration like four times, you'd think that'd count for something."
  • Tanz: "I suppose I should have hired some goons to kick the shit out of you, but you're dating my daughter, so..."
  • Selina to Mike: "What have you and your 47 tangled chromosomes done?"
  • Amy/Selina: "To be fair, we thought we were on top of this." "Oh really? Well now it's on top of you, it's knocked your teeth out and it's making sweet love to your face."
  • Selina: "My presidency just got caught with a tranny hooker on Sunset Boulevard, and I have to make America think that i was just giving her a ride home."
  • Gary/Selina: "They should not be allowed to call that stuff tea, that's what I think." "You know what I think? You sound like the world's gayest A.M. radio show."
  • Selina to Mike: "Why did you work for me, you stupid mustache!"
  • Dan: "Thought about teaching high school, but girls these days just can't keep a secret."
  • Selina/Gary: "The history books are being rewritten, and this time it's not Texas saying Satan made fossils." "Yes he did!"