Entourage Season Finale Recap: "The End" -- Thank God
I've strayed away from recapping "Entourage" all season, because, frankly, I couldn't be bothered. It would just sound like a broken record each week:
- Vince sobs over some girl while he tries to stay clean;
- Turtle is sick of leaching off of Vince and wants to make his own money;
- E is upset about Sloan;
- Drama is upset because of his career;
- Ari is upset because of his crumbling marriage.
There, I've just described every episode of Entourage for the last two years.
So, when the show came on the air last night, following a jumbo-season finale for "Curb Your Enthusiasm" which would be hard to top, it was difficult to place expectations. Obviously, the show was going to be tying up loose ends. No major plot points would be introduced, and frankly, it was pretty clear series creator and writer Doug Ellin was going to take the easy way out of most of the season's conflicts.
You ready for another list?
- Vince inexplicably announces that he's getting married to the girl that barely agreed to date him a week ago, and that they're doing it that night in Paris.
- Ari inexplicably quits his job after hearing some opera music, and his wife inexplicably takes him back after he breaks this news, despite a full season of making him feel like shit, the fact that they both saw other people during that span and they still have some major issues.
- Sloan inexplicably takes E back, even after he sleeps with her ex-stepmom (which he lies about) and Vince pisses off her dad by spoiling the news that she's pregnant with E's baby.
- Turtle and Drama don't even do anything this week, rendering their eight-year run as semi-compelling supporting characters are useless.
- This week's useless celebrity cameos included four old former NFL coaches, ironically convenient.
In the end, we're left wondering what the hell Sophia is thinking marrying Vince, after a full season of blowing him off and patronizing him with her superior intellect. We're left wondering why E and Sloan ever even broke up, why Ari and Mrs. Ari ever broke up for that matter, and why Turtle and Drama even had any storylines to begin with season.
The series finale was filled with vague semi non-explanations lazily resolving problems that were ridiculous to begin with. And in the end, we're left with, again, vague semi-setups for a potential movie, which seems like it might have a New York setting.
I know I sound like I'm being extra harsh on the show, but it deserves it. What started off as an amazing and original show about buddies and about show business turned into a conveyor belt of non-resolutions to stretched out and ridiculous First World Problems as well as cameo after cameo of irrelevant athletes and celebrities walking around, talking on cellphones and acting rich. I get the point of the show was always to show off that life, but in the last two, maybe three seasons, it's become incredibly superficial. You sit there and watch this show for thirty minutes, and nothing even happens. All it is, is 30 minutes of set up to stupid cliffhangers that never get resolved.
Everything in the finale was expected. They weren't going to leave any of these people angry or upset. They weren't going to leave these lingering conflicts unresolved, they couldn't. So they took the easy way out, with a lazy ending, the only purpose being to get these five guys at an airport together.
You only have two reasons to watch the series finale of Entourage:
- You've likely stuck with it this far, might as well watch one more episode.
- The post-credit scene where Ari gets an offer to basically run the world features several gratuitous ass shots of Mrs. Ari.
One recap of last night's episode I read was that the show didn't even really need a finale. In Entourage, things just go on. It's the story of these people's lives, as contrived and vain as it is. So, why does Ari need to quit his job? Why does Vince need to get married? Why do we have to be force fed the "on again" part of E's and Sloan's on-again, off-again relationship?
There's only so many ways I can say that this show's been ultra-lame lately. Don't believe me? Just look at last week's series-low ratings. And unfortunately, we're likely in for an even more lame movie about this crap in a few years. It sucks, because Entourage used to be great. It didn't have to turn out this way. And instead of remembering what made it so great, we're left with a bleak reminder of what caused it to suck.
The series finale of Entourage was like taking a dying, diseased dog out back and shooting it in the head. No one wanted to do it, no one wanted to look at it, but it had to be done. 2 out of 10.