Top Ten Premiering Shows You Should Be Watching In July

It’s a surprisingly crowded month of July when it comes to new and returning shows. If it wasn’t for the blistering sun outside, you’d think it was September.

But in this new, basically yearly TV schedule that has been created thanks to the Internet and digital media, networks find themselves obliged to entertain their audiences for all twelve months of the year. Obviously, the summer months still end up being a little lighter, usually filled with more reality shows than scripted dramas and comedies, but this July is relatively unusual, even for this new era in television.

So while you might want to spend more of your summer outside, or at worst, inside a nice, air-conditioned movie theater, we present to you a list of ten shows you should probably be watching when they when they premiere later this month:

Honorable Mention: Louie I don’t feel comfortable putting season 2 of Louie on the least because it technically premiered in June, but if you aren’t watching Louis CK’s show throughout the month of July, something is devastatingly wrong with you. Arguably one of the funniest shows on TV, Louie is Seinfeld + Curb Your Enthusiasm, but insanely depressing. Louis CK is one of the biggest and best comedians of the last two decades, and deserves all your attention. Now.


10. Entourage, July 24th, HBO:

If this was last year, I would probably tell you to skip over the latest season of everyone’s (former) favourite buddy show. The quality of Entourage has gone down severely over the last few years. What used to be a show about four friends and their agent trying to make it in Hollywood was turned into a cameo-fest that struggles to get all of its characters into a given half hour. The pacing then completely falls apart, and we’re left with a mess of a show where nothing really happens over the course of an episode. But, alas, we’ve put in seven of our best years into this show, and this will be the eighth and last season of Entourage, so we might as well watch, right? That said, considering Mark Walhberg plans to do an Entourage movie following the finale, I doubt we’re going to get any sort of resolution for the series. Prepare to waste thirty minutes of your life for the next three months.

9. Roseanne’s Nuts, July 13th, Lifetime:

You might be thinking, “what the hell”, right about now, and that’s okay. But everything about this show reeks of “what the hell”. “Roseanne’s Nuts” is about former TV star Roseanne Barr moving to Hawaii to run a macadamia nut farm. Wut?

8. Marvel Anime Line-UP, July 29th, G4:

G4 is known for basically boob jokes on AOTS these days, as well as some awesome E3 and Comic-Con coverage, but this summer, the game / nerd-centric network will foray into the world of anime, looking to bring back four of Marvel’s biggest properties to the animated form, after successful runs in theatres in recent years. X-Men, Blade, Iron Man and Wolverine will be debuting beside each other in late June, and here’s the twist: the four will have interconnecting storylines in their twelve week runs as the four properties go through the crime syndicates of Japan. Moreover, Tony Stark and Wolverine will be voiced by Heroes vets Adrian Pasdar and Milo Ventimiglia, with all four shows having their fair share of cameos from the Marvel Universe. Not a bad combination, if you ask me.

7. Alphas, July 11th, Syfy:

Ever since Heroes showed us a lot of promise in the ordinary-everyday-superhero TV show drama category, Hollywood just won’t let the God-forsaken genre die. Off the heels of ABC cancelling “No Ordinary Family” comes Alphas, a show about a group of regular, run of the mill humans who acquire superpowers, and naturally decide to use them to fight crime. But of course, they’re not alone, and soon realize that the others aren’t as stupid as them, opting to use their powers for, you know, evil. Academy Award nominee David Strathairn is the leader of the group, but for some reason he doesn’t have any powers. I’ll be watching this show more to see how fast it gets cancelled.

6. Rescue Me, July 13th, FX:

In the “I-didn’t-even-know-this-show-was-still-on” category, Rescue Me returns for a seventh and final nine-episode season after nearly two years off the air. Once again, New York firefither Tommy Gavin (Dennis Leary) deals with his 9/11 flashbacks and his general disdain for humanity for taking advantage of that event. I never really watched Rescue Me, but it has Dennis Leary and it is the last season, so it might be worth a watch.

5. Damages, July 13th, DirectTV:

I’ve been told by important people that Damages is a great show. The four-time Emmy-winning series returns for a fourth season, with Glenn Close and Rose Byrne returning in the leads. This season of the critically acclaimed legal drama will center around a case of private military contractors in Afghanistan. The cast has featured some big name talent in supporting roles and guest star roles in years past such as Ted Danson, Zeliko Ivanek, Timothy Olyphant, William Hurt, and Martin Short, and season four will be no different, adding John Goodman and Dylan Baker to the regular cast, with Judd Hirsch among the guest stars.

4. Man vs. Wild, July 11th, Discovery:

I wouldn’t feel comfortable making this list without including everyone’s favourite crazy man, Bear Grylls. This year, between jumping out of planes, fashioning clothing out of seal skin and drinking his own piss, Bear Grylls will be entertaining the likes of Jake Gyllenhaal in the season premiere, who will have to do everything he does for the duration of the episode. A few weeks later, Cameron Diaz will follow in his footsteps. Earlier in the series, Will Ferrell guested on an episode. Who knows what else this living internet meme has in store for us?

3. Hell’s Kitchen, July 18th, FOX:

Do you really need a reason to watch Chef Gordon Ramsay yell at people for a ninth season? Kitchen Nightmares and Masterchef are awesome shows, but I want to see him chew people out for Christ’s sake! This year, Ramsay moves the show to his new restaurant in Las Vegas, with 18 chefs between the ages of 23 and 44 competing for a job working for a guy that yells at you all the time.

2. Curb Your Enthusiasm, July 10th, HBO: Just when you think that Larry David has had enough, he comes back for more, and more, and more. The show that you think is finally going to get cancelled by setting the bar of ridiculousness with each passing season entered its eighth – and, once again, presumably last – season, as Larry travels to New York for reasons that we can only begin to imagine. One thing’s for sure, no matter where he goes in New York, he’s likely to antagonize more people than he’s going to charm. Michael J. Fox and Ricky Gervais highlight this year’s star-studded guest list, and B.J. Smoove is back for another season, which is always awesome.

And if that didn’t convince you, watch this:

1. Breaking Bad, July 17th, AMC:

In another case of a show I really don’t have to justify to get you to watch, Breaking Bad returns for a fourth 13-episode season on AMC, after over a year of being off the air. But in case you didn’t know, Breaking Bad is about a high school chemistry teacher who decides to make and sell meth with one of his former students in order to secure his family’s finances as he dies of lung cancer. Badassery and plenty of law breaking ensues. Plus, Bryan Cranston looks like Gordon Freeman from Half-Life in one of the latest promotional posters, which makes it extra badass. In case you hadn’t figured it out yet, we want you to watch this show.

So there you have it, some shows to tide you over during these long summer months. It’s going to get better as the new TV season begins to roll around in September, but you gotta admit, that’s pretty damn good for July. You’re going to have to like it anyway, because all that’s premiering is August is Jersey Shore. *shudders*.