69th Golden Globes: The Winners, The Losers, The Jokes

Our expectations going into this year's Golden Globe awards were high, but not because of the awards themselves. As you all know, Ricky Gervais was returning to host the show for a third straight year, and promises were made about how provocative and edgy he was going to be.

Unfortunately, it's pretty tough to top almost coming out in a Nazi uniform and publicly humiliating Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise and Ashton Kutcher. This year's Ricky Gervais was relatively subdued, relegating himself to Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber jokes and making fun of the Oscars. There were some pretty great zingers, but overall, and thanks to a few boring winners, the show came off as bland and quite simply a money-grabbing attempt to cash in on fake buzz.

You can find list of winners below, but here are some of the more entertaining bits of the night:

  • Gervais, as he walked out on stage: "So, where was I? Nervous?"
  • Gervais: "The Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing’s been proved."
  • More on Kim Kardashian, and her marriage: "I've sat through longer James Cameron acceptance speeches than that."
  • It wasn't all stroking the Oscars ego: "When the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you, you know you're in trouble."
  • "You mustn't mention Mel Gibson this year," the host said. "And especially not Jodie Foster's beaver."
  • Seth Rogen with the line of the night, standing next to Kate Beckinsale: "I'm currently trying to conceal a massive erection." . Weren't we all, Seth, weren't we all.
  • Steven Spielberg speaking the truth: "I would like to thank the two studios that really proved the adage that Peter (Jackson) and I could make the telephone book if we wanted to."
  • The people from "The Artist" bringing a dog on stage and making it do tricks while the director tried to deliver his acceptance speech. The Artist was one of the more deserving winners of the night, but this was pretty representative of the farce that was the Golden Globes this year.
  • Morgan Freeman joined a great list of recipients of the Cecille B. DeMille award, but the best part was how his tribute video spent a good 30 seconds showing him taking a bath in a coffin.
  • On the red carpet, Elton John on the best song category. " Madonna hasn't got a f------ chance". Guess who won? Sir Elton is not pleased.
  • And finally, the best moment of the night, courtesy of Tina Fey.

Here's Gervais' monologue in its entirety:



In terms of, you know, the actual awards, The Artist and The Descendants were the big winners in the film categories, with The Descendants winning best drama and best actor (George Clooney), who was in kind of a stacked category with Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Michael Fassbender and Leonardo DiCaprio. The Artist won for best comedy/musical, best actor (Jean Dujardin) and best score. Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady) and Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn) took home the awards for best actress, as everyone expected them too, best animated film went to The Adventures of Tintin, and writing and directing nods went to Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris) and Marty Scorsese (Hugo), respectively.

The TV categories brought both surprises and completely expected results. You all know how much we love Showtime's "Homeland", but we were pleasantly surprised to see it beat out Game of Thrones and Boardwalk empire to walk away with best drama. Claire Danes winning for her performance in the show wasn't as surprising, however, as was Damian Lewis unfortunately losing. That said, the award going to Kelsey Grammar for Boss was a little surprising, at least with Bryan Cranston and Steve Buscemi sitting alongside him.

For comedy, everyone expected the severely overrated Modern Family to win, as it had literally no serious competition, with way too many good shows like Community and Louie snubbed, but Laura Dern (Enlightened) over a solid group of actresses was a little perplexing, as was Matt LeBlanc's (Episodes) win. No one watches either show, and speaking from personal experience, Episodes isn't terrible, but it's not "awards" good.

Overall, the show was pretty bland, as were the winners. The Oscars should be a little more exciting, as The Artist and The Descendants will have to compete in the same categories, and they'll face stiffer competition from the likes of Moneball, Hugo, The Help and others. Those nominations will be announced in the coming weeks.

Below are a list of all the official winners, so let us know what you think, and who deserves their awards (winners in bold).

 

BEST MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
The Descendants
The Help
Hugo
The Ides of March
Moneyball
War Horse

BEST MOTION PICTURE - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
50/50
The Artist
Bridesmaids
My Week With Marilyn
Midnight in Paris

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS - DRAMA
Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis, The Help
Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR - DRAMA
George Clooney, The Descendants
Leonardo DiCaprio, J. Edgar
Michael Fassbender, Shame
Ryan Gosling, The Ides of March
Brad Pitt, Moneyball

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jodie Foster, Carnage
Charlize Theron, Young Adult
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn
Kate Winslet, Carnage

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jean Dujardin, The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, The Guard
Ryan Gosling, Crazy Stupid Love
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, 50/50
Owen Wilson, Midnight in Paris

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Arthur Christmas
Cars 2
Puss In Boots
Rango

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
A Separation (Iran)
The Flowers Of War (China)
The Kid With The Bike (Belgium)
In The Land Of Blood and Honey (USA)
The Skin I Live In (Spain)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Berenice Bejo, The Artist
Jessica Chastain, The Help
Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer, The Help
Shailene Woodley, The Descendants

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn 
Albert Brooks, Drive
Jonah Hill, Moneyball
Viggo Mortensen, A Dangerous Method
Christopher Plummer, Beginners

BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, The Descendants
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

BEST SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris
George Clooney, Grant Heslov, Beau Willimon, The Ides of March
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, Jim Rash, The Descendants
Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, Moneyball

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE - MOTION PICTURE
Ludovic Bource - The Artist
Abel Korzeniowski - W.E.
Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Howard Shore - Hugo
John Williams - War Horse

BEST ORIGINAL SONG - MOTION PICTURE
Hello Hello, Music by Elton John, Lyrics by Bernie Taupin - Gnomeo & Juliet
The Keeper, Music & Lyrics by Chris Cornell - Machine Gun Preacher
Lay Your Head Down, Music by Brian Byrne, Lyrics by Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
The Living Proof, Music by Mary J. Blige, Thomas Newman, Harvey Mason, Jr., Lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason, Jr., Damon Thomas - The Help
Masterpiece, Music & Lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, Jimmy Harry - W.E.

TELEVISION

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
American Horror Story (FX)
Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
Boss (Starz)
Game of Thrones (HBO)
Homeland (Showtime)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS - DRAMA
Claire Danes - Homeland
Mireille Enos - The Killing
Julianna Margulies - The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe - Revenge
Callie Thorne - Necessary Roughness

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR - DRAMA
Steve Buscemi - Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston - Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammer - Boss
Jeremy Irons - The Borgias
Damien Lewis - Homeland

BEST TELEVISION SERIES - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Enlightened (HBO)
Episodes (Showtime)
Glee (Fox)
Modern Family (ABC)
New Girl (Fox)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Laura Dern - Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel - New Girl
Tina Fey - 30 Rock
Laura Linney - The Big C
Amy Poehler - Parks and Recreation

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR - COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin - 30 Rock
David Duchovny - Californication
Johnny Galecki - The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane - Hung
Matt LeBlanc - Episodes

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Cinema Verite (HBO)
Downton Abbey (Masterpiece) (PBS)
The Hour (BBC America)
Mildred Pierce (HBO)
Too Big to Fail (HBO)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES
Romola Garai - The Hour
Diane Lane - Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern - Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
Emily Watson - Appropriate Adult
Kate Winslet - Mildred Pierce

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES
Hugh Bonneville - Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
Idris Elba - Luther
William Hurt - Too Big to Fail
Bill Nighy - Page Eight (Masterpiece)
Dominic West - The Hour

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Jessica Lange - American Horror Story
Kelly Macdonald - Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith - Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)
Sofia Vergara - Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood - Mildred Pierce

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Peter Dinklage - Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti - Too Big to Fail
Guy Pearce - Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins - Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet - Modern Family

 

Comment 1
Patrick Storto's picture

My favourite part was when Gervais was introducing Madonna as the Queen of Pop and then said, "no, not you Elton John."